As I grow older, there is one thing I’ve realized to be absolutely imperative.
Don’t forget to count your blessings.
We are all so wrapped up in a world where every corner you turn you are reminded of things you do not possess, qualities you do not have, the silver spoon you were never born with, the rainbow that never had your name on it. Too bad that within all these things that you do not have, you drown out the voices of the talents, qualities, gifts that you do own. And ironically, you always have what you need to get through the day, make it matter. Count your blessings. It is sad that you do not see the myriad people who envy where you are at and you throw it all away for a feigned sense of independence within your delusional world.
I hate getting sick. I guess the most common response to that statement will be “DUH!” Everybody does. Mine has more to do with the fact that I hate popping pills. I don’t mind the pain(but that doesn’t mean I look forward to it!). But swallowing pills is not something I do with grace. I am absolutely paranoid about choking on them. And I have made the most fuss over it a lot many times than I can be proud of. Coming to think of it, I suppose the fear really stems out of the fact that I am sh*t scared of dying an unnatural death. Well, of course, another DUH statement follows. I do not claim to be the only person who thinks of it this way. I don’t want to go through the last few minutes knowing that I am done for. That it is indeed time to stick a fork in me. I suppose the lack of all hope at that stage would be too painful! I have had someone close to me go through that. And in her last moments, all she could think of (while being taken to the hospital at 3 am) was that her granddaughter would be alone in the house at such early hours in the morning. To be honest, I am not sure if I am capable of such selfless acts. I suppose when you still have time to live, you are ready to be ‘selfless’ because there’s a sense of hope – that things will make a difference, what goes around comes around – if not from this person, someone else it shall be. But when it is time to let go of it all, will you be able to do it with dignity? Will you be able to see no hope and yet do something that will make no difference to your existence? Will you be able to look at the people around you and be happy that they will see a tomorrow and you won’t? Will you still believe that when you figure out the plusses and minuses of life, it does turn out to be fair? I know how much I expect already from strangers, acquaintances, friends, people I would like to know, the ones that I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with – heck from life itself. If I am all that when I am capable of making a conscious choice between whether I should let myself be vulnerable and not, I am not too sure if I’d be able to let go when I am vulnerable and things are out of my control. I guess I will probably be as graceful as when I am popping these Crocin Cold and Flu pills – awkward, uncomfortable and in a ridiculously optimistic sense – hopeful, for a miracle.
The weird thing about inspiration – it is almost always triggered by a sad, unfortunate event.
Maybe it is just for me, but all the good things leave me speechless.
The warm fuzzy feeling remains and words could just float away to the distant horizon. I suppose when certain emotions are triggered, you really don’t need to be articulate to qualify, to be eligible to feel the way you do. I guess for the moment life is good. Enough said. :)
For the past one month, life has been good. It has been the best roller coaster ride that I’ve ever been on. Some very forgettable moments. And some absolutely unforgettable ones. I mustered the courage to do something I never would have done and so far I do not regret doing it. Now I know what they say about learning with each thing you do. Vulnerability is termed as such a bad thing. For once, I enjoy being vulnerable to ideas and emotions. I guess you’d never learn to swim till you’re in the water.
One of my favourite songs is ‘Nothing Really Matters” by Madonna. I think the lyrics are too simple and too good! Here are few of my favourite lines from the same -
“Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me”
And yes, I do hope it all comes back to me. But right now, I am happy giving.
PS: Yes, yes. The jump is so tangential. But hey, it really fits. Trust me. :)
Hypocrisy is when you blame someone for doing something you are doing right then. It is when you call someone something you already are and you wouldn't even imagine yourself to ever change. Hypocrisy is when you judge the rest of the world on high morals and scruples - the same ones you threw away and do not remember where. Some things never change. sigh!
One of the popular romantic movies has been ‘A Walk to Remember’. I liked the movie for the fact that it told us that each person comes into our lives for a reason. In the movie it was for her to show him the power of faith. Cliched. I agree. But yet, the message is not rendered untrue. Tonight one such person that I have known from the distance of stolen glimpses taught me I could dance. Though terrible at it, I could still. That person showed me that someone else could be much worse at it and yet enjoy the random sudden movements that the person passes as dance. My reason to dance. Rather, to try to let go and dance my heart out. Thank you!
Each time I decide to let go, a small event changes things around.
Why would I want to harbour those feelings still?
Well, maybe a visitor showed me the way. A ray of hope.
In essence, it does not matter if anything is reciprocated. While it lasts, it shall introduce me to a wonderful land of colour and joy. A temporary bubble that cocoons me from the grasp of reality. Even though I do not know you, thank you for the neon sign. Thank you for being my escape, my loophole to my share of the arbitrary.
