Breeding Lucidity

Holding On & Letting Go

2011-12-06T17:50:00.003+05:30

This year I decided to take a different route. Usually, my birthday reminders start well before a month prior to the big event! This time around I just did not feel like it. I did make all effort to remind the people close to me about it, personally. However, FB remained oblivious. It had many other birthdays and events to remember, so I figured I'd give it a break this year. Honestly, I've no reasons to why I decided to do so. One fine day I felt like removing the date from my FB page. However, I figured an appraisal of the year gone by would be a good way to wrap up year 27. Yes, I turned 27 this 4th.

The year has been quite eventful. Last birthday brought with it the promise to spend a few months out on another continent. It was a wonderful experience. I caught up with people I was not sure if I would meet again so soon. A welcome break from everything that had become a routine in my life. A change was wonderful, especially after the dreaded comprehensive examinations. Thanks to my parents, I had crossed international borders at a very early age. But then I wanted to do it without burning a hole in anyone's pocket. And in that sense, it was a dream come true. Further, I was the only one left in the family who hadn't seen snow. So that's another stricken off my list.

The next few months went in preparing for the thesis proposal. September 12th was the date. I was now technically a step away from becoming a Fellow. Despite understanding that each of the steps in the programme so far have been nothing but mirages, I fell for this one too. But it is good to get done with it. I am told the next one is the real deal! I hope I get to experience it soon!

The biggest thing I have had to grapple with this year has been to discern the distinction between the things I should hold on to and others that I should learn to let go. It is the question of balancing perseverance and foolhardiness. I started the year letting go of a lot of things that had turned bitter. I realised that my tolerance levels would not change the aftertaste. The only thing I could do was to leave the scene behind and find something worth tolerating. It was one of the best decisions I have made. It was disappointing that things could change the way they did. But then as the cliched statement goes, change is the only permanent affair in this world. I wish I could extend the same detachment to a few other things in this world. Easier said than done.

It almost seemed that I was trying to make up for that voluntary detachment by holding on too tightly for the rest of the year. That is where I am at right now. Last year wasn't that bad. I guess I should start this one the same way as the last one. Letting go of year 27 and trying to get a hold on year 28.

"Nature is the Law"

2011-07-18T01:06:00.003+05:30

He gazed out of his window not knowing what would catch his attention. He was looking for something that would distract him just enough. The books did not interest him today. Television has been quite ineffective at taking his mind off things for a while now. A conversation was definitely not an option. He was too restless to hold someone’s interest for that long, and neither was he ready to give his senses the task of keeping up with an overenthusiastic conversationalist. So it had to be nature who had to take up the responsibility of keeping him occupied. The trees looked particularly green today. The incessant bout of showers had worked its magic. He took off his glasses and wiped it lest a blotch on it would prevent him from enjoying this heavenly clarity. He wished there would be a major downpour so that he could clear his vision of his life. Maybe it will tell him that there was nothing wrong with it in the first place, but a decision on the matter would be reassuring. Then he realised that the trees were not doing their jobs right. He shifted his gaze to the lonely goal post at the corner of the field. The lonely frame was giving in to rust at the edges near the ground. Was it trying to camouflage and feel like a part of the dirt? The rest was painted bright white. From this distance, it seemed as though it served no purpose other than frame a part of the hedge in the background. If the net was attached, it was almost invisible. He realised how he tried his best to filter out so many emotions but in the end the filter was no better than the net. The big holes made sure that most emotions just slipped through. By preventing the attack on one side of the net, he had, at times, let genuine emotions slip through at the other side. Unfortunately, there is no audience or referee to keep count of this barrage, other than him. These unregistered strikes were as good as unsuccessful ones. He wondered how he had focussed on what he thought was important and let go of so many others. He shook off this feeling of dejection and failure again. As his anger against nature started brewing inside him, he looked out once again. This time he saw a girl walking around the ground. She traced the same path and went around the ground, again and again. He continued watching her for a little longer. It began to drizzle. The rain clouds had gathered around while she was on her first round. Now well into her second round, she looked at her watch, quickly took a peek at the clouds above and continued walking. The same path. The same pace. If she had a fixed number of rounds to complete, she definitely did not seem to be in a hurry to do so. The drizzle was persistent, but she did not seem to care. Every now and then she would look at her watch and carry on. After a while, the rain clouds gave in and moved on. Least bothered by this new development, she continued on her path and finally after five rounds, took another path leading her out of the ground. As he watched this, given his state of mind, he could not but wonder if the clouds had gone to gather more water. Even at his cynical best, he could not however ignore the subtle hints. Maybe, nay, definitely another rainy day awaits her. But during each of those she will realise that each circle around the seemingly inescapable path is just a search for the way out. And time leads the way with the assurance that the opening will make itself known.

PS: The title is the name of the song by Richard Ashcroft

Change

2011-07-03T02:00:00.001+05:30

Everything is so ephemeral. In the large scheme of things, hours and days look so short. Emotions change. Impressions undergo an overhaul. And there are no apparent reasons. There are no turning points. Things just undergo slight changes each second of every hour. We all talk about things that stand the test of time. Nothing stands the test of time. Everyone and everything changes. The continued existence of the bond just depends on the complementary changes the other end also undergoes. At times, the change in one takes a longer time and by the time it does occur the first half is too far beyond recognisable. At other times changes occur but in diametrically opposite directions. Does it take conscious effort for one to align the changes? Is it possible to control these changes? But what can you do when the changes themselves are quite cunningly deceptive and stealthy? How do you keep up and keep track? When such non-eventful events take over and refuse any reason or logic, you either have the option to embrace it or to let go. The latter does not necessarily mean that one is a quitter. But that one is hopeful for a compatible change happening elsewhere.

Letting go.

2011-04-17T15:07:00.007+05:30

I have always found it hard to decide when to let go. Given that I am an eternal optimist, each gesture and every small change in a situation gives me hope, enough to take me to another point of frustrating failure. This applies to people and situations alike. It is a weird cycle, one that always comes back to the point where I know that it wouldn't work out! It becomes more weird when this point of absolute certainty of the futility of going through with the exercise is immediately followed by this irrational belief in miracles and the exceptional! I can never fathom how that comes to be. But it does and it does in such an unbelievably powerful way that me giving in remains as the only certain thing in the large scheme of things now. But unfortunately, this does not, in almost all cases, change the way the cycle behaves. It continues on its path with my realistic self as the destination. However, this time around, at least with respect to one particular aspect/person, I've decided to call it quits. For once, I am going to step outside the circumference and see how much I will miss the agonising hopeful in me. All I can hope for now is that I am not a masochist.

The Belan Sistahs! :)

2010-05-12T11:48:00.002+05:30

So my neighbour and sistah Rimi gets a telly connection! Oh yeah! I personally was uber excited at the prospect until I learnt that she would only receive the Hindi channels for a while. Well, don’t get me wrong, am no Hindi-hater but the whole prospect of Bugs Bunny going “Arey, upar kya hain Duccter” was heart wrenching. But oh well, I got over it pretty quick when I saw that CID Classics was on Sony. So there we were, reminiscing our good old encounters with the television – CID’s ACP Pradyumn was my second tryst with detective serials (which are now my favourites on telly). The first was Tehkikat on DD-2. So there was Daya who always broke down doors and Frederick who was a little slow! We were having a ball checking out how catty the show had gotten, two new female detectives fighting to get credit for clue discoveries when the rest of the crew was busy solving the mystery of Gayabi the Magician – how he disappeared in a, well, disappearing act and managed to get a dead body to replace him. For once, we did not crib about the lack of creativity when it came to the name of the magician (gayabi means the one who disappears) since we had watched Avatar and its ingenuity with names (unobtainium – DUH!). If James Cameron can be forgiven for this and nominated for Oscars, heck, our Fireworks Productions can be even applauded for Mr Gayabi’s nomenclature! So there, we were shown that a neon light could actually scan a body and the computer was able to highlight the slightest flesh wounds in bright red colour. Also that when the killer has actually left his fingerprints on a glass, no one bothered to check for it even though there was the Forensic department with the flashy neon light. Anyhow, we finally discovered that there were multiple killers and that Mr Gayabi was a master hypnotist who could make you sleep by the sleight movement of his hand. The only way the CID could catch him was by covering his eyes. The closing dialogue by CID Abhijeet was “tu ab tak sabhi ko sula raha tha eh? Ab main tujhe sulaoonga” (you’ve been putting people to sleep right? Now I will put you to sleep). We thought it was part of the story until we realised that Sony had really decided to keep a flow going for the programmes. Next up! Indian Idol *snore*! Hussain and previous winner Abhijeet Sawant takes the stage. The former is a good presenter and handsome too. So let’s just say that we’d wake up here and there to catch a glimpse. But Sawant’s presentation skills never took off, just like his music career. He must have sung the song ‘Junoon’ but I guess the teleprompter cannot really pass that on to you! Anyhow, we dreaded having to sit through the serial since there was nothing else to watch. We shall go character by character here. (Kindly note that this was when the idea of The Belan Sistahs was formed. Most middle-aged ladies watch these telly serials when they are cooking. Belan is the rolling pin. Sadly, we reminded ourselves of them during this ordeal.)

Anu Malik: To paraphrase Shelley, “If Sidhu is here, can Anu Malik be far behind?” I know I know, Shelley just turned in his grave. And yes yes, Sidhu cannot be winter (since I was born in December and I shall not willingly defame myself) and Anu Malik as spring? I think the world just collectively screamed ARGH at the very thought of that! The dude just does not know that rhyming everything is passé and most importantly annoying! But since that seems to be the only way he can get his messages across, I hope he understands them too for “Mr Malik, you may think you are clever when you spout out those rhymes, but we all rather have you be impressed with mimes!”

Sunidhi Chauhan: Hmm, this is the first episode. So shall reserve comments on her. For one, she does not say “mind blowing”, “you’ve the X factor” or “fantastic” after each performance. Kudos to her for having a bigger wordrobe than Ms Farah Khan.

Saleem: Watched this guy for the first time. Hmm, he tells everyone that it was an awesome performance – talk about constructive comments. Oh well, at least he doesn’t try to rhyme when he is bring redundant. Tip for him for the next time – record your comments..oh wait, comment! Singular!
The rest of the judges for the night were the cast of the movie Housefull (Lara Dutta, Ritesh Deshmukh and Sajid Khan). They were a decent lot. But have to mention a joke by Sajid Khan – yeah, we are being extremely generous when we call it a joke. The incident shall be elaborated on later.

Now on to the contestants. A disclaimer here. One of The Belan Sistahs cannot sing to save her life. No, we are not going to ask you to SMS your guesses in! That’s a contest I don’t want to win!

First up was Mr Yashraj who owes everything to his folks! And everyone go Awww. It was so touching. The Belan Sistahs could feel tears rolling down their cheeks. Oh wait, that was the imaginary onions! Anyhow, a little bit of googling revealed that this guy had already won Rs 1 million on another reality show and a record deal to go with it! Hmm. First question, when did we start counting rupees in millions? On Indian Idol (a spin-off of the American Idol) we could probably understand but on “Choona hain aasman” (want to touch the skies)? The Belan Sistahs are not particularly happy with the Americanisation – what’s wrong with lakhs and crores? Last we checked, it was still “Kaun Banega Crorepati”! Even Big B agrees! Second question, is it justified - selecting him in this competition? It is almost like IITians getting into IIMs! (No offense, kindly note the strategically placed ‘almost’ in the sentence) Must say that he sang well. We silently hoped that worse would come along since our plans of using our belans seemed to be going down the drain.

Then there was Bhumi Trivedi. This is where The Belan Sistahs were split. The one between us who cannot sing did not like her song whereas the other found it to be good. She was praised for the Gujju rap she pulled off at the end but overall, it wasn't very eventful.

Then walked in Shashi. The omnipotent Google informs us that he was a contestant on another reality show. Now we really cried – the kid’s got a second chance! Yes, we believe! The guy left his home with Rs 1000 (equivalently a grand – for you pseudo Americans!) in his pocket to make a career in music. He returns home 2 years later and must say that he learnt a lot in the past two years. He sang extremely well. When everything was going so well, Sony decides to exercise the tear glands of all our fellow Belan Sistahs across the world. The dad is in the crowd. He starts to cry. Anu Malik points this out. Mr Shashi cries. Sunidhi cries. Or at least shows off her bright blue manicured nails by wiping off her tears(?). But we did not lose hope since three of our embedded Belan Sistah reporters were shown to be unmoved and quite frankly bored at the whole Bollywood melodrama playing out there. Mr Shashi walks into the crowd, hugs his father and exclaims “I love you Dad”. The Belan Sistahs love their dads but “I love you Dad” display by a lower middle class family in India – doctored! After all this happened, Sajid Khan decided to remind us that he was a comedian and it was his responsibility to lighten the mood. There’s a raging debate on regarding the status of the following statements. “Arey, yeh mat bolo ki tumne sapna ke liye ghar chhoda. Sapna ke maa-baap ko bura lagega. Bolo khwaab ke liye” (Do not say that you left your house for Sapna (Sapna – a Hindi word for ‘dream’; alternatively can be a girl’s name too), use the word “khwaab” (another word for dream) instead). I guess we have a unanimous verdict regarding its status here – non-joke! To end Mr Shashi’s bit on a positive note – he did sing amazingly well!

For the next one, The Belan Sistahs shall be bringing out their feminist fangs! The next contestant is 19 yr old Arpita from Kolkata. She is not the typical Indian Idol contestant. Why oh why? She is not fair skinned and she is not thin. The entire bit on her before she came on to the stage was about how she had the biggest soft toy collection ever. Fair enough. Some like pink, some like toys. Next we hear the narrator and later on Hussain introduce her as the “rolly polly choti”! The Belan Sistahs cringed! We did throw our imaginary belans at the screen! What ze heck? It is never ‘cute’ to make a veiled reference to her size on national television. Would you call Lindsay Lohan the ‘sticky skinny blonde”? Oh wait, she scores a point by being fair skinned there! Darn you all. So we were rooting for her when she broke out singing! Amazingly powerful voice and wonderful singing. The imaginary balens made a return when the judges decided to continue their ridiculous rolly polly induced rant after she was done. But screw them all we said. Go Arpita!

Arpita was followed by Kanika. This lady also had a difficult past and was determined to do everything to make her parents proud. Everyone in the house go Awww." Awwww". Must say that she sang pretty well but she was overshadowed by the contestants who had sung before her. Not going to be easy for her, we tell ya!

Next came in Vishwas. And by this time, The Belan Sistahs were hungry. Dinner time was fast approaching and we got distracted. But recap showed that he sang very well.

We had our own Bengaloorian come in next. Asit. Uber confident dude who, at home, was shown to sing with his HP laptop proudly perched up on his lap. Our guess is that his vocal chords are linked to his HP laptop in some way since he gave a dismal performance tonight without his trusted friend. Computer is indeed personal again!

Finally, Swaroop from Rajasthan makes an appearance. His story says that he grew up just listening to and singing folk music. Our embedded reporters haven’t been able to check the veracity of that statement, but rest assured they will! Till then, assuming he is telling the truth, we admit that he sang the movie song very well. Then he did another folksy number and voila, he was the next poster boy for Sony! Hussain had the nerve to tell him “You are different from the rest” in a way that almost shouted out that he was weird and the rest were normal. Imaginary belans – aim, fire!
You can clearly see that The Belan Sistahs have run out of steam here. Each paragraph is shorter than the one above. But for our grand finale, we present to you two awards. We have The Belan Awards.

The Belan Moment

There is The Belan Moment. This is for that moment when majority among The Belan Sistahs felt like throwing their imaginary belans at their telly screens. Given that it is our first episode, we decided to be generous. It is a tie between Sajid Khan’s “joke” and Hussain’s question to every contestant “Do you think you’re the next Indian Idol”? If questions can be redundant, we figured we could make the award redundant too! Ha!

Ze Best Moment

The next award (well, we haven’t been able to come up with a fancy name for it yet) is for the best (really!) moment. This award is for the moment when all The Belan Sistahs decided to roll out their best dishes to the contestant. In this episode, we give it to Ms Arpita breaking into her song – after all the veiled insults, it was a treat to watch her perform so well and to be honest, The Belan Sistahs were pleasantly surprised.

It has been a longish post and since The Belan Sistahs haven’t got their administrative duties structured yet, there shall be no editing. You are requested to kindly bear with us and ignore all the errors that have crept in. So until next time, as The Belan Sistahs would say, Keep on Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’! (Yes, Limp Bizkit stole it from us!)

The Strategy Student's Strategy :)

2010-04-19T00:11:00.004+05:30

Tonight (7th April) we had to attend an interaction session. The shortlisted candidates for the Fellow programme were on campus. Most of them will be attending interviews tomorrow. We were to answer any last minute questions they had. I had missed my interaction in 2008. I was staying at my aunt's place and I heard about the interaction in the Woods. The creepily named place is the area behind the MDC. We did not want to trouble my relatives since we had no clue about Bangalore. My friends will vouch for the fact that I haven't learnt much of the Bangalorean ways yet! Anyway, I have attended the two sessions that have happened after I joined the programme. I will always remember the first one for one particular guy whose questions ranged from the use of his motorcycle on campus to avenues of fun! I can name at least a few professors who would have exclaimed 'Blasphemy' if they had been around. My guess is that he did drop in a few similar statements for I haven't seen him since. This year I spoke to just two students. None of them were curious about when the campus would finally get a swimming pool. Incidentally, one person who had asked this question last year is now my junior. Hmm.

One of the things I realised when I was standing there, amidst the aspiring candidates, is that no matter how much people would tell me about a new endeavour I am about to embark on I am the kind of person who would love to experience it herself. In that sense, I really do not think that I missed out on the interaction. The only 'gyaan' I was able to give tonight was that the programme is not a cakewalk. It is challenging and unless one can keep his/her motivation levels high enough and consistently for five years, it will be excruciating! I am guessing a day before the interview, everyone is confident about their motivation levels. Everyone I've spoken to have earnestly nodded their heads whenever they heard those key words - self-motivated, disciplined, focused. To be honest, I did not know what else to tell them. My two years here so far has been an extremely surprising ride. One week into the programme, I realised that we were not really going to follow the PGP route for the first two years as was mentioned on the website. Relative grading was as new to me as was the concept of RGgiri! I was unaware of the 2.5 CGPA cut-off for year 1 and the 2.75 cut-off for years 1 and 2 combined. And well, there was no disco ball in L^2 as I had imagined! Slowly they unravelled themselves, rules and regulations introduced themselves to me and most importantly the course work started dictating my life. There have been times when I talked to my non-IIMB friends in my term papers-assignments-reviews

-submissions-laden lingo. Especially for our batch, which was stuck in the middle of an FPM review and restructuring of the programme, things were uncertain and difficult. But we all huddled into the second year. It was another ride with more courses from our area of specialisation and thankfully a bit more predictable, at least in terms of the requirements, than year 1. In all this, I have bugged seniors with myriad questions. Asked them to handhold me through some difficult bits of the coursework and have bugged them incessantly with questions regarding softwares and databases. But if there is anything that I have enjoyed more than anything else, it has been unwrapping the FPM package. There have been times when I have asked, like Travis, "Why does it always rain on me?". I have whined and cribbed to the extent that I suspect that my friends will disown me soon if I don't keep a check on it from now on.

In spite of all that, I can say that going through it is the best way to realise your own strategy. I have had people ask me about how to study for certain subjects, strategies to deal with the grading systems of certain professors etc. Here is my confession. I have never studied 'smart'. I have always been the kid who would go through as much as was possible and leave the rest to her memory of what was taught in class. I have never made question papers of probable questions. I've never counted the number of times a question had appeared in the previous years' question papers and mugged them (this was possibly my biggest mistake in QMII). Never have I been able to 'select' questions and study just them. So do not ask me which strategy is best. For the only answer I can give you is to experience a slice of it yourself and make one that fits you best. If one can accept that people have different skill sets and capabilities (of course one does since that's what we all claim in our interviews and SOPs!), maybe it is time one accepts that there are different strategies too! Paraphrasing the Hong Kong Tourism slogan "Live it, learn it, love it!"

My Checklist - V-Day Special :P

2010-02-13T00:54:00.002+05:30

Have you ever had a checklist? Of course, you have. Let me be more specific. Have you ever had a checklist for your friend, partner, lover? You know, how you would want them to be and in research parlance, who would not end up being a desk reject? For the longest time, I never thought about it. I had friends tell me their lists. Most of them included good looking, smart, funny, should-make-me-laugh, successful, ... Some of the lists reminded me of the famous joke about women having the chance of their lives to go shopping at a 4 storey mall and they were going to shop for husbands. The only conditions were that once you decide to enter the floor, you could not go to any other but pick one from the present floor. Also, one couldn’t go back to previous floors. The ground floor said “good looking guys”. This lady skipped and went to the first floor. It said “good looking guys who can cook”. She was impressed but hey, maybe the next floor holds more promise. “Good looking guys who can cook, will look after kids and clean up after themselves”. Now we are talking! She heads to the third floor. “Good looking guys who can cook, will look after kids, clean up after themselves, crack you up with their jokes, surprise you in bed and exceed all expectations”. Wow, she thought. How could they possibly outdo this on the next floor? Uberly excited, she climbs to the final floor. “This floor is just to prove the point that it is never enough for women!” I must say that some of these lists proved it.

Anyhow, it was an interesting prospect for me. Who would probably make it to the list? Fine, no one can plan such things and ‘it’ happens. Yada yada yada. I shall, nonetheless, try. So here’s what I came up with.

1) Drop dead gorgeousness is overrated. I am not saying that a modelesque significant other will be frowned upon. Of course, should bruise my ego a bit that I am not the fancy one. But hey, I wouldn’t mind at all. But then, a six pack won’t be the first one on my list. So anyone who looks decent, and by decent I mean that if someone were to see him out on the street, I would really like it if they did not comment along the following lines “There’s something creepy about the dude” “He looks like he is up to no good” “Must clutch purse and walk faster”

2) A person who can converse, with equal ease, with people who are two rungs above him and a good few rungs below him in the social/professional ladder. I have utmost respect for people who can appreciate everyone for the simple fact that they are humans too! If you cannot get down from your high horse, you may ride off into the sunset without me!

3) Someone who can communicate (humour included here). I blabber. It is amazing to have someone with the patience to listen to it all. But, then again, even I run out of topics to talk about. So speak up!

4) Anyone who is ready to try things out at least once and loves to travel! I can be a lazy bum at times (fine, most) and can shy away from giving things a shot. Therefore, I am really hoping that your enthusiasm will rub off on me.

5) On the aesthetic side, someone who can pull off formal wear!

Five is a decent number I think. So shall stick to it. I am sure I will have a lot more additions to it. I am guilty of being human! But I guess this is a good start.

PS: And yes yes, Happy Valentine’s Day to all the mushy ones and to my fellow Single Club members, good luck with your checklists! :)

We try :)

2010-02-01T15:12:00.002+05:30

Last night one of my friends asked me an interesting question. He asked me how I, as an author, felt when people found a very different meaning to my poem than I had originally intentioned it to have.

A few years ago, another one of my friends asked me the difference between poetry and prose, especially in the case of poems that did not rhyme. His question arose from my sending him this poem written by me:

Choice

The novel begins with the smiling faces,

characters are carefully selected,

all the relative qualities are portrayed,

the good and the evil are balanced and ready,

sympathies have to be poured in and hence

the good suffers, the evil triumphs, scales on hatred

just went up, there's love and failure,

uncertainty as though life was represented in its entirety,

words have been the best players in this game,

where the mind was supposed to be the gainer,

opened to millions of emotions, life was it's only

competitor, the ability of manipulating the mind

of the reader, to look at what the author thought was real,

if books were the reflections of our life,

and imagination was its oxygen, there's just one

place where the reader could choke, all the best players

of the author fail at the last chapter, he has to kill his

characters, make some live forever, hatred has to be perpetual

for some, whereas failure has to earn pity, and at this juncture,

this portrayal of life hands over the trophy to its lone competition,

it fails when it comes to choices, for life in itself is not a gift,

but an opportunity that knocks on our soul, and there begins the journey

of choices, for we choose to live, we choose to let go,

our choice is the world, and the author can bring on his best team,

inherent with everything, capable of manipulation,

but in the end we choose to see the flaw.

This was my response. Kindly excuse the internet lingo I have used here.

“As far as the rhyming pattern goes, I think if you were to think along parallel lines of song writing(lyrics) I suppose rhyming is the best way...'cause it gives it a continuity, making it much more easy to sing along...But as far as poetry is concerned, you can bring in the narrative style to it as well..I suppose, the difference that I see between poetry and prose is that while writing a prose, the writer gets a chance to explain himself and the analogies that he puts forward...whereas in poetry, the analogy is assumed to be self- explanatory and the interpretation is entirely upto the reader...To a certain extent, prose can be said to have the same attribute as regards to interpretation, but, generally it is perceived as how the writer did...Well this is just my take on it...I believe that poetry has this quality that makes it very open...Someone who reads it might get a completely different idea and that kinda enhances the poem itself...A story or prose on the other side makes us think, but I don't think it lets people relate as freely as a poem can and hence a narrative style of writing is acceptable, as long as the poet doesn't try to explain too much...” (24 June, 2004)

Coming to the question I started with, I think I have always maintained that my fascination towards poetry grew because of its open-endedness. I was proud of the fact that I could write something within my own context and yet feel a wave of generosity stir in me when someone else enhanced the poem with his/her own meaning and interpretations. Words have an amazing quality – flexibility. This contextual characteristic of the words wield their maximum power when in the hands of a poet. So would I really be ok with people looking at my poem from a completely different perspective than the one I chose? So far, I have been absolutely fine with such an idea. But last night I was curious to know whether I had changed my opinion since the 24^th of June, 2004. I recalled all of the poems I have in my book. How would I reply to comments about my poems that differed in varied ways from my own? The response I gave to my friend was this. “As an amateur, I appreciate any feedback. It will introduce me to different perspectives and hence underscore my reason for writing as given in my book.

“Perceptions. Opinions. Feelings. Judgments. Ideas. Emotions. Qualities.

Subjectivity underlies almost everything in life. With the poems in Breeding Lucidity, the author hopes to achieve just the same. To carve out her slice of lucidity – within herself through words and outside her through the spoken words, on her poems, of others. In Vivo. In Vitro.”

When I write a poem, it can either be to convey a feeling as in the poem “Until the music stops” or to raise awareness about an issue/real life problem as in the poem “Children of a Lesser God”. It comes to whether I want to convey a feeling or a meaning. At the end of the day, I suppose I would really want my readers to discern these main ideas. Maybe you can have a different take on them, but let us remain on the same plane.”

After the conversation, I thought some more and I realised why I enjoyed writing poems. We go through the motions of life and we live through myriad experiences. Each triggers a hitherto unknown emotion, a feeling that we never knew could be felt, a whiff of sentiment that was elusive until then. For me writers create that imaginary world which opens you to the playground of these feelings. Each turn you take, there is a trigger; there is an open door to that unexplored emotion. I am sure we will never ever be able to outperform life itself. But, we try. I can only hope that we help people empathise.

My first book is here! :D

2010-01-28T21:44:00.003+05:30

My first book is out. A collection of 33 poems - Breeding Lucidity. In Vivo. In Vitro.

For all those who want a copy, you can contact

SIP IIMB Campus Bookstore

Indian Institute of Management

Bannerghatta Road

Bangalore - 560 076

Phone: 080 2699 3240

Email: vasudev@sipbooks.com

Here's a sneak preview...

In the woods of solitude

every bird owns a melancholic tune,

variegated patterns in the shedding of leaves

like strong words flowing in powerful rhythms

falling from the heavens,

the scent in the air manipulating comprehension,

the rising sun, the dawn of meanings,

the ground trodden changes the context,

branches stoop down and shake in disharmony,

flowers opening up to an embrace,

each element dies and survives,

the cycle completed over and over again,

a new facade of beautiful chaos.

Until the music stops.

Cheers

..V :)

I survived New Year's Eve!

2010-01-03T20:28:00.002+05:30

So New Year is here. I guess that warrants a new post. First up, wish you all a Happy New Year!

My New Year started with some really lousy music. Coming to think of it, I should have just got back to my room and played my favourites all night long. But oh well, I guess I could never play anything that loud - so I stuck around. I was rewarded for my perseverance. A reward that lasted a whole 2:01 minutes - Blur's Song 2! And thankfully, the self-proclaimed DJ did not change the song till it ended.

I love music. But, I do not claim to know much of the nuances of the same. I do not know how to sing. The best advice I've ever received in my life has been from a good friend who first asked me "Was it you who was singing?" I replied yes and pat came his advice "Please don't." And I've since then graciously accepted my lack of talent on that front. Well, everyone can't be good at everything now, can they? I cannot play any instrument either. For that, I think I can be blamed a tad bit - but not a whole lot. I did get my hands on a guitar and never capitalized on that opportunity. I would love to be able to play the bass guitar or the drums some time. But, oh well, I doubt if that will ever happen. I think I ran out on my quota of perseverance - I wasted it all on the DJ on New Year's eve!

Also, I cannot dance. Yes. Yes. Now where's the talent you ask? A croaky voice, clumsy fingers and two left feet! The talent, or rather common sense, lies in my knowing that you cannot play the first 45 seconds of Eminem's 8 Mile followed by 35 seconds of a Bhangra number. The flow is that simple. By the time you get hold of the beat of a rap song (again, how dance-able Indian students find it to be is debatable) you've a quintessential Bollywood song blaring out of the stereos! Seriously dude? Not to mention the many songs that are a good listen but definitely not dance numbers.

But I guess, everyone humoured him. For once, no one heard the chant "Ek do teen chaar, bandh karo yeh atyachaar". I guess it was the New Year's Eve effect. Either that, or people were just high on spirit and spirits.

One friendly advice for the next one - Please don't.

Facebook blues!

2009-12-29T00:19:00.003+05:30

It has been a while since I've blogged. Facebook took over my life. It is easy to keep in touch, blog, chat, comment, like and all that jazz. The world was my oyster, or so it seemed in there. But the disillusionment with Facebook has begun. Somehow I cannot comprehend the 'networking' concept at play there. People who are unwilling to greet you or reciprocate your smile are your 'friends' on the site. I started receiving friend requests from people who study in the same institution but I am pretty sure wouldn't have 2 seconds to acknowledge my presence if I were standing right in front of them, in flesh and blood. So the question arises - why would I want to open to them the door to my personal life. How I celebrated my birthday and my comments on my friend's class five picture should never be on their Facebook homepage. Why would they want to know about me when they cannot make an effort to know me? It is befuddling to be honest. I am sure a million debates have already happened over whether Facebook is good or bad. And I guess the biggest argument against my blogspot idea as opposed to my Facebook page would be that anyone anywhere could read my blogs covertly while Facebook at least tries to restrict the entry. But I suppose I'd rather have strangers read my cryptic pointers to my life than people who can put two and two together. And anyhow, I'd rather tell it to someone's face than assume their reading-between-the-lines skills. When numbers begin to mean more than the people behind the numbers it just seems futile - the entire exercise of social networking. An excess of networking and an unforgivable neglect of 'social'.

Aren't we all blessed!

2009-04-11T02:06:00.002+05:30

As I grow older, there is one thing I’ve realized to be absolutely imperative.

Don’t forget to count your blessings.

We are all so wrapped up in a world where every corner you turn you are reminded of things you do not possess, qualities you do not have, the silver spoon you were never born with, the rainbow that never had your name on it. Too bad that within all these things that you do not have, you drown out the voices of the talents, qualities, gifts that you do own. And ironically, you always have what you need to get through the day, make it matter. Count your blessings. It is sad that you do not see the myriad people who envy where you are at and you throw it all away for a feigned sense of independence within your delusional world.

pooF.

Pills and death

2009-03-15T00:33:00.000+05:30

I hate getting sick. I guess the most common response to that statement will be “DUH!” Everybody does. Mine has more to do with the fact that I hate popping pills. I don’t mind the pain(but that doesn’t mean I look forward to it!). But swallowing pills is not something I do with grace. I am absolutely paranoid about choking on them. And I have made the most fuss over it a lot many times than I can be proud of. Coming to think of it, I suppose the fear really stems out of the fact that I am sh*t scared of dying an unnatural death. Well, of course, another DUH statement follows. I do not claim to be the only person who thinks of it this way. I don’t want to go through the last few minutes knowing that I am done for. That it is indeed time to stick a fork in me. I suppose the lack of all hope at that stage would be too painful! I have had someone close to me go through that. And in her last moments, all she could think of (while being taken to the hospital at 3 am) was that her granddaughter would be alone in the house at such early hours in the morning. To be honest, I am not sure if I am capable of such selfless acts. I suppose when you still have time to live, you are ready to be ‘selfless’ because there’s a sense of hope – that things will make a difference, what goes around comes around – if not from this person, someone else it shall be. But when it is time to let go of it all, will you be able to do it with dignity? Will you be able to see no hope and yet do something that will make no difference to your existence? Will you be able to look at the people around you and be happy that they will see a tomorrow and you won’t? Will you still believe that when you figure out the plusses and minuses of life, it does turn out to be fair? I know how much I expect already from strangers, acquaintances, friends, people I would like to know, the ones that I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with – heck from life itself. If I am all that when I am capable of making a conscious choice between whether I should let myself be vulnerable and not, I am not too sure if I’d be able to let go when I am vulnerable and things are out of my control. I guess I will probably be as graceful as when I am popping these Crocin Cold and Flu pills – awkward, uncomfortable and in a ridiculously optimistic sense – hopeful, for a miracle.

Speechless and Happy Yappy :)

2009-03-07T02:37:00.003+05:30

The weird thing about inspiration – it is almost always triggered by a sad, unfortunate event.

Maybe it is just for me, but all the good things leave me speechless.

The warm fuzzy feeling remains and words could just float away to the distant horizon. I suppose when certain emotions are triggered, you really don’t need to be articulate to qualify, to be eligible to feel the way you do. I guess for the moment life is good. Enough said. :)

Nothing really matters, love is all we need. :)

2009-02-28T17:42:00.007+05:30

For the past one month, life has been good. It has been the best roller coaster ride that I’ve ever been on. Some very forgettable moments. And some absolutely unforgettable ones. I mustered the courage to do something I never would have done and so far I do not regret doing it. Now I know what they say about learning with each thing you do. Vulnerability is termed as such a bad thing. For once, I enjoy being vulnerable to ideas and emotions. I guess you’d never learn to swim till you’re in the water.

One of my favourite songs is ‘Nothing Really Matters” by Madonna. I think the lyrics are too simple and too good! Here are few of my favourite lines from the same -

“Nothing really matters

Love is all we need

Everything I give you

All comes back to me”

And yes, I do hope it all comes back to me. But right now, I am happy giving.

PS: Yes, yes. The jump is so tangential. But hey, it really fits. Trust me. :)

Ambrose Bierce "Hypocrisy: Prejudice with a halo"

2009-02-03T20:38:00.002+05:30

Hypocrisy is when you blame someone for doing something you are doing right then. It is when you call someone something you already are and you wouldn't even imagine yourself to ever change. Hypocrisy is when you judge the rest of the world on high morals and scruples - the same ones you threw away and do not remember where. Some things never change. sigh!

I danced because...

2009-01-27T04:00:00.002+05:30

One of the popular romantic movies has been ‘A Walk to Remember’. I liked the movie for the fact that it told us that each person comes into our lives for a reason. In the movie it was for her to show him the power of faith. Cliched. I agree. But yet, the message is not rendered untrue. Tonight one such person that I have known from the distance of stolen glimpses taught me I could dance. Though terrible at it, I could still. That person showed me that someone else could be much worse at it and yet enjoy the random sudden movements that the person passes as dance. My reason to dance. Rather, to try to let go and dance my heart out. Thank you!

A visitor's gift

2009-01-14T01:44:00.005+05:30

Each time I decide to let go, a small event changes things around.

Why would I want to harbour those feelings still?

Well, maybe a visitor showed me the way. A ray of hope.

In essence, it does not matter if anything is reciprocated. While it lasts, it shall introduce me to a wonderful land of colour and joy. A temporary bubble that cocoons me from the grasp of reality. Even though I do not know you, thank you for the neon sign. Thank you for being my escape, my loophole to my share of the arbitrary.

H-y-p-e-r

2009-01-07T22:36:00.001+05:30

A week ago I was hyper and said a whole lot of things. Beginning of this week, I kept up with my hyperactivity and assumed a lot of feelings. With the support of these assumptions, I said a few more things. And today, I wonder whether those words spelt w-e-i-r-d or a-w-k-w-a-r-d. I wonder whether I jumped the gun and jinxed it all. Maybe I do speak too much. Is it too late for a new year resolution? And what should it be? To speak less? To be less self critical? To stop making assumptions or to stop assuming conclusions?

Boca 'Grande'

2008-12-27T22:18:00.000+05:30

You can bring the Gods to the table. Tonight, you can serve me the best food and wine. The world could be at my beck and call. Serving my every whim and fancy. I like white tulips more, not roses. I want two candles for my table, not just one. I need new silverware and shiny glasses. Why is the chef not wearing his hat? I need brightness around me and my favourite music blaring through the stereos. My choice of desserts and the most pricey, elaborate meal. But when you do give me these and more, serve it to me and a few others. Serve them well too. They are the seasoning, the spice, the yummy chocolate, the toppings, the cherry on the cake without which it lacks colour, taste and spirit.

To you, with thanks. :)

2008-12-05T11:55:00.003+05:30

This is for someone I know. For someone I’ve bugged incessantly for the past few weeks. Someone who has inspired more posts in here than anyone else. It is for someone who has shown me that age is just a number and maturity is when you learn to handle people like me and their requests in a way that is not patronizing, condescending, ridiculing or defensive. It is when you know that the person at the other end is sensible enough to know and realize – even though it doesn’t seem all that obvious at the moment. This is for someone who knew this. This is for someone who knew that I’d realize it is time to move on – realize it on my own – and humoured me till I reached there. I realize now. Thank you.

Distracted - Poem

2008-11-17T21:54:00.002+05:30

Another poem!

This one was written in class and yes, I do listen. Psha! Hope you enjoy it.

Distraction

A muffled voice breaks the silence,
Words are distorted and misconstrued,
Maybe 'happy' was the tone?
But is it just the eternal optimist on the rise?

Completion of comprehension of today is imperative,
usefulness will be determined later,
futility will probably be the final verdict,
but right now, time shall not teach.

In the balance of time tomorrow,
the debts will outweigh the memorable,
negotiations with the muffled voice begin again,
disappear, be clear, or make me impervious.

pooF. :)

Dream come true, finally!

2008-11-15T16:37:00.003+05:30

Lord Praise Spam!

"

This mail has been identified as Suspected Spam and has been quarantined.

Sub: [ SPAM ] FW: You are nominated for mba OraquintessentialBragg@wikipedia.org, 11/15/08, 15:59:28"

Never thought I'd see this day. But it just came a week too late. Summer placements are done with. :(

Oh well, story of my life. ;)

But, do I still get to say my speech??? :P

pooF. :)

Mirages

2008-11-08T23:07:00.004+05:30

Mirages.

This was a word that struck me when I was sitting in my Research Methodology class. Do not challenge me to remember what the class was about. Let's just say that I did listen. But there was something nagging me. The word kept coming back to me. And all I could think of was that this mirage was different. I wasn't in a desert. I wasn't starved. In such a situation, mirage has quite a different effect. You do not really want the water, but you see this illusion being played out in front of your eyes. As every curious human being, you're drawn to it. As soon as you reach the site, you realise it was never there to begin with. You were naive enough to let the curiosity dictate your path.

This explained a lot of things. There are times when some unknown force occupies the driving seat of your life and steers you away into zones that seem real. Ever incident is so well-built to fit the mirage that bliss follows the realm of surrealism and decides to stay there. And so do you. But when that small window to reality decides to let a ray of light in, the magnificently built castles disappear into thin air. There stands your mirage - as it should be seen. An illusion. An apparition that haunted you till you reached out and tried to touch it. I suppose a plausible translation into terms relevant to our life would be the momentary lapses of judgment in our life. When we assume that the mirage belongs to us and it is one jigsaw piece needed among the many others. And when your disillusioned self mirrors the reality what you see are so many of the same jigsaw pieces already scattered around you. Maybe not the shape and size you want them to be, but life itself is never a pre-defined mould. It accommodates the long and short ends, the thin and the weird, the beautiful and the disfigured.

Maybe, one day you will fit in too. Be the most comfortable in your skin - in your mould. The mirages would lose their existence. Their entitlement to your steer.

New familiar lovely faces. :D

2008-11-04T12:08:00.005+05:30

Hola!

It’s been a while since this blog has moved. So here I am, to show signs of life.

I was absolutely bored the other day and this idea struck me. It has been 3 months here in the institute and I figured why not write about some interesting people I’ve met here. This is in no particular order and if you’re missing in the list, it will most probably be because I wasn’t creative enough to come up with a smart arse way to disguise your identity. Since I have not taken permissions from the respective persons, I shall hope and pray that I don’t get sued. Maybe I will just add the disclaimer “Any resemblance to people alive or dead is purely coincidental.”

Resident Muggu Goddess – I am sure that I will be slaughtered for this, but bleh. A fellow researcher-to-be, it has been fun debating the north-south divide with the filmdom at either end as the moot point. A muggu not in the clinical sense of the term, but a fighter for sure. And yes, her kids shall be named Little Hearts and Cupcakes.

The Bindaas Ad Van – I guess this is not a very effective way at disguising, but she is the tension free lass who couldn’t care any less if the sky were falling. Her late entrances to class are hilarious and if ever there were someone on campus who never mentioned grades and RG in their conversations, it’d be her! A shortlist in hand, I wish her good luck! Ace the summers dudette!

Singaporean Damsel – Ok. I suck at the whole name thingummie. But bleh. If we are researchers-to-be, she is already one. And a darn good one at that. Someone who wishes everyone who crosses her path would just go fly kite, voila vay is the way to go! I know I spelt it wrong. But you get it! And darn you, I’m waiting eagerly for her to cash in the 25K prize money!

Mr. Scrooge – He believes he is God. Yup. If you go by the omnipresent standard you attribute to Gods, his head will be seen peeping -in in every photograph taken by the Sec B junta. For him everything has to be MAX. Max fight, max grades, max shortlists, max fun and max lol, erm, LOL MAX!

Mr.Creativity – He is the Son of an S. Now you know why he is good. When he does it, it actually IS funny! All birthday mails come from the uber creative and imaginative head of his. He is one machchan who can hog like crazy and make you laugh like crazy.

Talcum Powder – He re-introduced me to jim-jams. Need I say more?! But then, can I ever stop yapping? ;) Weirdness ends with the names of the companies he has worked for. He could be a stand-up comedian and I am hoping that some of the humor sense would rub off on me too! And a gentleman he is!

Mr. D M L – And why is that? When everyone here is losing their hair because of the course work and such, this guy managed to grow his back. Post Lex Luther days, he can now be seen appearing in shortlists and interviews while calculating the operational efficiencies of ATM queues in OM class and acing every other subject possible. And he is quite inspirational too! ;)

I’ve restricted this to my batchmates. And as I mentioned before, this is just a random post. No offence intended, if any taken. And I am sure that I haven’t mentioned everyone and neither everything possible for each person, my sincere apologies.

But hey, thanks for making the stay so enjoyable so far!

..V :)

PS: As always, no editing has been done. So kindly excuse the errors in grammar and spelling.

Weird

2008-10-11T01:03:00.003+05:30

People are weird. I think the last three months have reinforced that belief many times over. People who interact with me know that I do not attribute the common meaning to such words. Weird. For me, it is neither good nor bad. Neutral. So why then such a word? What is language if it cannot capture the different twists and turns of the human emotion? If I can have mood swings, I'd say that the words are entitled to those as well. And how they manifest themselves is in their human realm. Our perceptions grant them their right. I have come to realise today that fairness is another one of those words that has mood swings much too often. Fairness is defined by our line of sight. The scope of light that we allow to be shed on situations and circumstances. On people and behaviour. The light never falls on the actions of others but is generously bestowed on one's own. What I do is right and by virtue of the absence of the light on your actions I shall deem it wrong and inappropriate. I perceive things in their entirety. I perceive the truth. Strings of bias and prejudice are never attached to incidents. And yet, the scope of light is still limited to one step forward. Two feet and darkness envelopes the space.

It is cryptic and mysterious. This weirdness. How definitions of my rights can never be extrapolated to include you. The weirdness that allows me to choose my conversations and your choice to be clouded in betrayal and apathy. The weirdness that makes me hide you from the world yet disclose you through these words. The weirdness that makes me use 'me' instead of 'you'.

Whee. How was the ride down?

A poem and excuses for bleh formatting.

2008-10-05T00:43:00.005+05:30

So so. The blog is showing signs of life! :D

This is, in true IIMB parlance, an arbit poem that happened just 5 minutes ago. Now that I am really trying hard to get my blog running, all desperate attempts at attention seeking will be seen here. Kindly excuse the icky formatting that's been happening on my blog these days. Either blogger is adamant at sticking to the fonts and font sizes of the word doc I copy stuff from, or it just forgets to give my font options(which is my excuse for today's blog by the way).

Anyhow, I would like to thank (guess away) for the inspiration for this poem, though not quite explicitly. It is much appreciated nonetheless ;)

In this moonlight
I stand, contemplating,
is this how it is supposed to feel
or am I trapped in an illusion?
When the world turned to the right,
is it truly right for me?
Will I be following the world
if I follow the beats of my heart?
Self doubt erodes self esteem
and I wonder if it is too soon
to put up my neon sign?
As the moon gives way to the rightful owner of the sky,
I dread the fact that it is a leap year,
Or, undoubtedly I wonder, is it a good excuse instead?

pooF.

Whee. How was the ride down?

My SMC Press Release

2008-09-30T23:10:00.005+05:30

Hola!

I am going to display the first signs of running out of ideas. Given below is the "Press release about yourself" that was a required submission while trying out for the membership of the Student Media Cell of IIMB. Lord praise cntrl c+cntrl v. :)

NUMB3RS 2 WORDS

“The anguish arose from the helplessness at manipulating time. The space inherited the hatred. A space devoid of everything. Jealousy was at life itself for living the way it wanted to and for how long it wanted to. And indulgence was the preferred anaesthetic.”

“When the dark sky swallows the light

you are unveiled before the mirror of clarity

in those lucid moments.”

The verdict? A 23 year old with split personality? All you hear on the other side is a chuckle. Vidhula Venugopal is all of 23 years old, fresh out of university holding a Masters degree in, wait for it, Mathematics. A Mathematician with a penchant for poetry and everything literary, a doctoral candidate in the area of Corporate Strategy and Policy at the prestigious Indian Institute of Management, Bangalore, a major music buff and a dreamer who dreams of penning lyrics for The Verve – ‘that should explain the chuckle’, she comments referring to the inadequacy of the word ‘split’.

Vidhula started to take writing seriously from her 11^th standard. “I was naïve enough then. I practically fell for every nice comment that came my way. Now I look back at some of those poems and cringe at the thought of me having blushed at those comments. But I am grateful to a lot of people for those kind words. That kept me going. I am enjoying my poetry and the whole process now.”

“I have moved from poems which invariably had to rhyme like

'What you want

is never what you get.

What you can’t

Is the unpaid debt.’

‘and when the corridor comes to an end, it is this pleasure that drives him crazy,

insanity wasn’t defined when he killed, but when justice orchestrated the kill.”

So what inspires her? “Everything. There was a time when a bunch of plastic flowers inspired me to write. The above two lines are from a poem which talks about the death penalty. Sometimes words just play in your head. Words are beautiful. As opposed to our ideals and principles, they are very flexible. One simple word, for example, pretend, could have a hundred extensions. In that sense, poetry is more open ended than prose. I do not believe in trying to figure out what the poet meant. Make the poem your own. Relate to those words. Enhance their meaning.”

Have the Chetan Bhagats of the world started inspiring the twenty-somethings of the country? “Everyone is creative. We just narrow down our own possibilities by pre-supposing our talents and abilities. All we need to do is to stop looking for tangible meanings of what we do in the near future. Creativity is not a time bound activity. Let yourself go.”

..V :)

Whee. How was the ride down?

Big Mistake.

2008-08-10T10:45:00.003+05:30

Big Mistakes :(

#1.

Blog hopping. I've an identity crisis online. Hence, I have jumped and hopped from blogs named serious-clown and willowy-menhir to breeding-lucidity and, gah, I forget. Thankfully I did get my breeding-lucidity id back. But bleh, I miss my comments. Lol. Yup, satiate my ego and comment away. Arbit spam is welcome! :)

#2

Not making an effort to write anyhow. I have been busy half the time and lazy, well, most of the time. Before all you math freaks hurl abuses at me, the half at the busy end would also include the times I pretended to be busy. :)

I truly intend to kick start this blog again. But, in all probability, it just won't. I am testing out pessimism since all else have failed. Writer's block is one incorrigible lazy arse. A tough habit to get rid off, really.

The options that I've at the moment are limited.

There's the easy way out. Write about what's happening in my life, quite literally. I got up. Brushed my teeth (yes, I do). Had a bath (seriously, the skunk on the loose the other day was really you! ;) ) And then, yada yada yada. Most of the yada would involve classes and midterms and assignments and *gasp* more classes and, well, you get the picture. So my life would really be entertaining to you if you were a sadist. There will certainly be an immense amount of happiness growing in you if you were reading my life story. But then, I guess I am a sadist too. So no pleasure for you! :D

Other things I could write about? Hmph. Random happenings on campus which are either bordering on funny or outright insane. Now that will be a job for me. I need to filter out all the ones which have me in the picture, even as someone in the backdrop of the alleged insanity. So maybe that will be some other post.

Anyhow anyhow. I am having fun here. Hope all of you are too; wherever you are, whatever you're up to.

Good things to come. That's all I can say. ;)

pooF.

Whee. How was the ride down?

Random.

2008-05-21T00:03:00.005+05:30

It has been a while and no matter how much try to convince myself to keep this thing alive each time I start off after a break, it inevitably defies all of that. Each time I see something on telly, I decide to right about that in my next blog and as you can see, there never happened a 'next' blog. I have really lousy memory too 'cause one would be inclined to think that now that I am finally penning something down this should turn out to be a very long blog. To be really honest, am drawing a blank. I figured, at one point, I will turn into a political commentator. Turn this blog into something that would let the world know my opinion about the things that are happening with the government and such other things. And that's one sphere, maybe after the entertainment industry, wherein there is no dearth of news feeds. We have too many politicians. Politicians. So in effect, we are fed with random BS from them every second of the day. That should put an end to my excuse of not having come across anything to write/talk about. But that really didn't work. Each time I saw the news and wondered about what to write about I found that everything came back to the same thing. There's just too much distortion in the whole set up. And I carefully avoid the term system 'cause I firmly believe that everyone resorts to the "The system sucks" rhetoric just for that - rhetoric. No one is ready to try and get into the "system" to understand its workings. Nor are they prepared to analyse their statement and do something about it. It's just system hating and system bashing. I use 'set-up' because it is the people who run the 'system'. So there. There are loads of 'glitches' -maybe this is the understatement of the year- in the set up. Plus, this whole secular melodrama is something that I cannot stand. People claim to be secular when they clearly are not. And in that, I mean any party. So I'd say that you might as well cut all the BS and really either support someone outright or not really care about the whole discrimination angle 'cause it is starting to get really boring now.

After politics, I was in the mood for some media bashing. Continuing along the 'secular' line of the political parties, the media have projected themselves as the guardian of the poor and under priviledged when all they really care about is perpetuating the whole idea of classes and castes to really make their news items more and more attractive in their own twisted, distorted way. An Indian boy gets a call from NASA and a scholarship to study in the US and the headlines read "A dalit boy gets NASA call". Seriously though, when the US really didn't care which country he belonged to, let alone his caste, why do we? Especially the self-proclaimed secular media should be the one that should care the least. Aren't we above all that? Or at least you said that last time on your report. Then there are the exit polls. There is a swing this way or that. And in the end, it just does not translate into a real swing. In most cases it just seems like a way to further the agenda of the party they are supporting. So in that sense, I really don't think there is even one 24*7 news channel on Indian television that is devoid of any sort of bias. Then there are news scoops which apparently everyone cares about. Some actor fell down and sprained his ankle. And that HAS to be breaking news. And yadda yadda yadda. Maybe I come across as cynical. But seriously, I am ok with it. I haven't touched upon the much serious aspects of these channels today wherein no one gets the privacy they claim each person deserves and also, not much of the concepts of national interest and ethical journalism that has survived.

After all external influences were done with, I turned to my personal life. There were a lot of events I wanted to write about. A few of them just served as a trip down memory lane. There were instances that made me feel like I had conquered the world. Times when the statement "payback's a b**ch!" made complete sense to me and even though there was no confrontation involved I've to say that I enjoyed it just as much. There were times that felt like it was chiseled to perfection by God himself, a sense of belonging that overwhelms you and makes you feel part of something special. In the past few weeks, I've had my braces removed, gauged the reactions of a lot of people on a certain personal event, been a part of a family reunion, been scared to death about my new endeavour and had moments of such a high that gave me the confidence to take over the world. I guess in the end, such personal incidents are better dissected inside your head than otherwise especially when the dust hasn't settled down or the feeling sunk in to give you a better perspective of what just happened. Maybe that is why history is interesting. It is always easier to talk about stuff that has been done with or ones that haven't happened yet. One gives you the power to justify and explain things without having to live through anything again because the consequences are done with by the time someone decides to talk about them. And as for the future, it is always easy to talk the talk and technically, the fellow on the other side couldn't say that you can't walk the walk until you really get there. The present is skewed even though you're in it. I guess that really IS the problem. You are the centre of a bubble and your vision of most of the things that are ready to pop it or sustaining it is blurry.

So maybe once all this settles down I will write a coherent, less disjoint post. :S Debatable. I guess.

pooF.

PS: The only piece of news that really came as a shock to me was the retirement of Justine Henin. All the Best, Justine and Thank you!

Traveling.

2008-05-08T19:25:00.003+05:30

I just came back from Mangalore. Attended my friend’s wedding. For once, I could see the bride and her XX relatives ‘cause they weren’t covered in gold. A huge contrast from the Mallu wedding I attended last week. Before these two, my weddings-attended tally was 5/6. I suppose the whole move to Bangalore in a month is sort of pushing me to get as many things done here before I leave. It almost makes me sound like a terminally ill patient. But from what I’ve heard, apparently B is going to be a hectic affair.

Coming back to today, the whole lure of the wedding was really the fact that I could go to M’lore and hang out with few of my old classmates, which was totally fun by the way. We all screamed and ate ice cream. :) I love traveling. I’ve to say that I wouldn’t want to travel to “see” places but to feel them. My dad’s job gave me the opportunity to travel to a few countries. I suppose if you were to look at those trips with respect to what new things I saw, they ought to be.

1) Sri Lanka: I was introduced to planes and air pockets; ayubovan; the realization that elephants existed not just in Kerala; clean cities; beautiful beaches; escalators and Buddha!

2) Western Europe: Automatic doors; public washing machines (God bless them!); American Cookies; the real Coke; Thalys; Eurostar; Trams; The English Channel; Mona Lisa; Louvre Museum; Tulips; Pickpockets; really BIG supermarkets; Mars; Snickers; Spanish Steps; Colosseum; Eiffel Tower; Mini Europe; NATO HQ etc.

You get the point. The drill is ubiquitous in such spots. Smile and Click. Over to the next sight people! For me traveling has to be more than that. It is really not about the Romans having built fountains at every junction which makes it really hard to understand Italians trying to help you when you’re lost ‘cause more often than not the landmark mentioned is a fountain. It is not about whether the Monalisa original shows her smiling or not.

From my trips, what I’ve understood other than the clichéd exposure to different cultures is that there is exposure and there is understanding. Most travel to fill up their photo albums, and I know a few of them personally. The whole point of experiencing a different culture and lifestyle seems to be lost on them.

Due to my father’s schedule, our trips were mainly restricted to the weekends and I was there for just 4 weekends. As such, we unwillingly enrolled for those darn guided tours. But the best part of our entire trip was when my dad and I ‘backpacked’ around the city of Rome. We ditched the guided tour and ended up getting lost. In Rome, there are specific bus stops for each bus, not like the generic stops that we have here. And at each stop, they’ve boards with the bus’s number on it, followed by its stops. The stop that you’re currently at will be highlighted. This was our ‘compass’. It wasn’t huge, but that was an experience that goes way beyond throwing coins into the Trevi fountain. We did not come across any famous buildings, or maybe we just didn’t realize it. But we were a part of the Roma crowd that day. It strengthens your identity so much more. Not that it pronounces you more or less Indian. But it lets you know that one can relate to people from anywhere around the world. We can share the same path. We can make our footprints on those cobbled stones together. It helps you understand. There are a lot of doors between people that have to be rendered open, automatically.

Random Voices in my head. :\

2008-05-07T23:08:00.000+05:30

Some kind of revival, eh? I've been toying with the idea of writing, blogging. But the things that pop into my head aren't worth it. But then again, since I've nothing better to do. Here goes.

1) Prince William lands his copter in the garden of his girlfriend's home. Whatever. But the funny thing was RAF's explanation.
"This was very much a routine training sortie that achieved essential training objectives."
If I were in England, I guess I'll be keeping an eye out for the copters. At least, I could run out on the streets shouting "The aliens are here!" Oops. It was just the Prince perfecting his copter landing skills in my backyard!!

2) The demand by MPs to have a 50% reservation for Muslim women and women from backward classes within the 33% reservation proposed in a bill which has seen too many PMs and MPs debate, discuss and discard it. So to all the MPs with such demands, Good luck! It is a shame that everything that happens in this country has to be under the umbrella of religion and castes. I agree that some people had it worse than some others. But a poor Brahmin is not 'richer' than a poor Muslim. Neither is the latter more poor than the former.

3) Bhajji-Sreesanth Slap Soap. To be really honest, I think IPL deserves the slap. The reason for the whole IPL drama was because the ICL was born. So lo and behold, we shall get all the celebrity power we can muster and make the game even more commercial than it was ever thought possible. In the end, the Symondses of the world got their pockets full and with the latest Bhajji episode, walk back home with a bag full of proofs and justifications.

4) From Cricket to Football. I am not someone who knows all the technicalities of football and such. But these days I've been watching lots more of that. And I am lovin' it! :) And yes, I do know how the offside rule works. So boo ya! :)

5) My move to Bangalore. So I'll be leaving home in a month. At times it does freak you out. During my Masters I was in a place which was much less hectic than this new one is supposed to be and also, it just took a 3 hrs train ride to get home. This is a whole 10 hrs away by road. But, am excited nonetheless. It should be fun. Wait. It HAS to B! :P

So that's the random gibberish. Seriously though, I am stuck with the word "psychedelia" playing in my head over and over again. Maybe there's something even more random coming soon! :D

pooF.

The Revival.

2008-05-04T00:43:00.000+05:30

I am yo-yoing back to my old id again. With a new template and all. droopyeyes-n-lazyfingers.blogspot.com shall no longer exist. That name was something that played in my head for a while. If it hadn't translated into a blog id, I'd probably have that as an email id. After it has been in your head for a while, you feel the need to protect it from unseen forces(read random people). Anyhow, I am in a mood to consolidate. So I've deleted a couple, ehem, lot of my email ids and bringing this blog back to life is part of that drive. I guess I am being a little superstitious as well, 'cause this blog had seen quite a number of posts and comments before I decided to shut it down. Hope to at least make this post one of the many that this page will call its own.

..V :)

Hola!!!

2006-05-22T08:00:00.000+05:30

Hola!!!

A little over two years and about 4-5 blog hops later, I've decided to call it quits. I tried to keep the blog rolling but one year away from the blogdom has taken its toll. I guess I've lost the initial enthusiasm and basically the drive behind the whole blog project. It has become very hard to keep up and it sucks when I always get into a story when it is almost nearly done.

I just wanted to thank everyone who came in and commented and also those who just came and kept the counter running. I really appreciate it. It has been one of the best experiences for me, being exposed to so many new ideas and perspectives and some blogs have been just pure, unadulterated entertainment and some totally new and eye-opening. Thanks a lot for making this stay such a memorable one.

Wish you all the very best life can offer. May every opportunity knock on your doors. And hey, as always, keep 'em comin', cause just that I won't blog anymore needn't mean I aint a spectator. :)...

Wishing ya all sugar, spice and everything nice

..V :)